What is Posh?!

So a couple years back I tried my first Perfectly Posh item. It was a bath bomb and it was delectably delicious and I seriously did not want to get out, even when the water pretty darn cold. I since have discovered their chapstick, face masks, lotions, etc. are all simply amazing.

This website will explain what the company is all about.

It is honestly worth buying something, even if it is small, just to get the fascinating dissolvable packing peanuts that come in the box! Seriously... they are awesome.

Anyway I am not used to doing sales pitches, but this is worth it, because lets face it, we all like to be beautiful and have fun at the same time ;)

And last but not least, this specific party has 100% of its proceeds going to support a cause close to my heart, and therefore I had to push it forward, but it doesn't mean I am not getting really excited about some new products in my bathroom!

So if you haven't tried it, please do, totally worth it! And if you are a veteran Posh lover, then maybe check out some new products to support a great cause.... Here is the link to the site!

Have fun being BeYOUtiful, because you are :)

You never know...

Today I sit here frustrated. I am frustrated with my God. I am frustrated with my body. I am frustrated with my children. And yes, my husband too.
This feeling of irritability with the things I love most makes me even more frustrated...

This ball of emotions is all because life isn't going as I planned. It really comes down to that.
I am not skinny and fit, as I absolutely planned for the end of my 20's.
My husband is going out of town for 2 weeks, leaving me with all duties, and I am annoyed.
My kids... well they are just being kids, but today it irks me.
My God. The one who is planning my life, well He is not doing it right!! At least not at this moment.

You never know...

You never know why things are going the way they are... why is there snow on the ground when I really wanted to get a good 3 mile walk in today to meet my skinny goal?
Why are the kids arguing when I obviously have had it up to HERE with it all?
Why does my husband have to leave at this critical time of sanity?

And why, oh why God, are You letting it all happen?

You never know.
You never know why something is happening, until it is over. Then your hindsight really is 20/20... or rather you realize Gods miraculous hands had a reason and a plan for you. Right NOW you don't know why life is happening the way it is. It can be frustrating, tiring, happy, sad, and everything in between... and we always wonder why? Why is this happening now... but you know, God has never failed to pull through in His timing. He has a plan for me, and my frustration isn't going to change the outcome, because God is good.

So I am laying my frustrations down. It is time to trust in the plan for me.

Why God, Why Me?

I sit here drinking a steaming cup of coffee for the first time in weeks, or so it seems... not that I haven't drank coffee, but steaming? Its like a dream come true.

I sit here staring out the back door at the cardinal eating bird seed that has fallen from our feeder and think God truly is magnificent... I mean you should see it, against the white of the snow. Breathtaking.

I sit here with my angel who I personally believe has made it her life mission to wake up before the sun, like a fun game that she made with the master light (I will beat you tomorrow you silly sun!! Ok not really, but you get the gist).... A few weeks ago it used to bother me, more than I would like to admit. But right at this moment, and in the weeks leading up to it, I realize how precious this time is together. She doesn't get much alone time with me, being the youngest, and I think it is a little nudge saying, go spend some one on one time with her... even if it is just sitting on the same couch, milk and coffee in respective hands, watching Mickey Mouse or reading books. It is a delightful time of my day and I hope I always feel that way.

I sit here in the comfort of my home, wrapped in blankets and so much love and feel so overwhelmed... Do you ever wonder how you got to where you are? Whether you are in a good place, a scary place, or a miserable place, do you remember to thank God for what you have? I often forget... I often take what is good, as what I deserve, and what is bad or hurtful, something that is definitely not deserved... why is that?

We live in a world full of sin and hatred, we live in a world that is teaming with temptation and bad people... Yes, there is so much love and a bounty of good, but we are not just bubbles of people who only envelope the good that happens, and avoid the bad. We are so easily tempted to say "Why, God why me??" when something awful comes our way. It is so easy to fall into the trap of the feeling of entitlement!

I think the more natural response that should come from our mouth is when something good and amazing comes our way, even the littlest things... "Why God, why me??"

I don't know about you, but today I am going to sit here with my angel, my steaming cup, and the beauty out of my very own window like it was painted just for me, and with a grateful heart wonder "Why God, why me??"

When Life Begs for a Redo

Life is hard.

You break your arm or maybe someone's heart.
You get a speeding ticket or cause a wreck.
You diet and eat right and gain instead of lose.
They leave or you do.... sometime's against one's will.

Life sucks sometimes...

You have a meltdown or maybe even ten.
You work so hard only for it to fail.
You find out an awful diagnosis or hear horrible news.
You say so many goodbyes, and sometimes they're forever.

You plan and scheme and dream and then life... it happens. And sometimes it doesn't make sense. Sometimes it makes you want to just... give up. Throw in the towel and scream, "What is the point?!?!"

Bad choices.
Bad reactions.
Bad situations.
Life is tough.
It doesn't give... it doesn't budge. And when you least expect it, it adds insult to injury.

When life begs for a redo, what do you do?

Often times our instinct is to curl up and complain. Complain to our friends, our spouses, and anyone that happens upon our way. Other times we internalize it and it comes out in other parts of our life... yelling at kids, nit picking with our spouses, all while ruining our own fragile attitude.

How do we get around the hard?? I don't know about you, but when life gets hard for me I find solace and comfort in knowing that everything happens for a reason, because God has a plan for me. I don't know the end result, but I do know I am safe in His hands.

Life can be hard. It WILL be hard. Our acceptance that there are no redo's, and our reaction to the hard is more important than anything. There is only one in control of everything. When we go to Him and rest our weary hearts at His feet, we can find peace in the difficult. We can trust that everything happens for a reason. It doesn't mean life won't suck at times. It doesn't mean He will prepare a path of enjoyment without hardship because our trust is in Him... It just means we don't carry the burden of the difficult life events that we don't understand.


"Come to Me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
 

Enduring the Rough to Secure the Sweet

A few weeks ago we were sitting at the dinner table and our children were melting down... I mean MELTING. Nothing was going right. Our son refused to eat a bite of chicken and rudely repeated the "I don't like chicken" mantra over and over, our baby saw a cookie and officially declared "dessert time" before we ever even sat down to eat and then cried the entire way thorough dinner, and our oldest... our sweet determined oldest. She, with tears in her eyes, said "I don't want this family anymore!! I want a new one!"

I am going to tell you my honest reaction. I laughed. I really did. Because at that precise moment, I kind of wanted a new family too.

Isn't life funny sometimes? It takes the really harsh times for us to be grateful for the sweet. It makes us want to pull our hair out when our child is throwing yet another tantrum over something small and insignificant, but a couple hours later a loving cuddle will thaw our tired, frigid heart in an instant.

The last time my husband deployed it was ROUGH. He left when our baby was just 6 weeks old and I spent an entire year in a blur of sweat, tears, hard backbreaking work, and broken sleep. For lack of a better explanation, it was utterly exhausting.

But what I remember from the end of the deployment, as many spouses do, is the overwhelming, heart squeezing love and appreciation for the little things they do when they return... He emptied the dishwasher- I seriously think I teared up a little. He took the trash out- Oh thank God I don't have to remember it is trash day by hearing the truck outside my window and running it out like a mad woman to haul the cans to the curb ( I swear the trash men to this day think I am a bum off the street that doesn't own a bra, let alone real clothes).

When he is holding a child while I cook dinner... you never think it is that big of a deal, but I wanted to just relish in the weight lifted off my shoulders (or rather my hip!) the first time I cooked without 3 children under my feet crying for one thing or another.

I could probably make a ten page list, no joke... but that isn't my point.

You see, I don't know how much I would appreciate it if we didn't go through the rough times... The deployment made me recognize the sweet in the simple things, just as the cuddle makes me hug a little tighter and a little longer after the tantrum.

After our oldest had her breakdown we kind of all calmed down... when we asked what kind of family she wanted instead of us she said, " A mom and dad, a little brother who is 4 and a little sister who is 1... oh and a black dog named Bear" She brought our rough, back to the sweet. She wanted us.

The rough will always be there. There is no getting around the pain, heartache, hair pulling moments of life. But if you pay attention after the storm... there is a sweet that is absolutely worth it all.

Find your sweet and soak it up.

Can there be Peace in Worry?

I'll never forget the day I hit 14 weeks with my very first pregnancy. I was ELATED. I was in the clear, nothing could happen to the baby I was growing inside now that I passed the dreaded "miscarriage zone".... With a huge sigh of relief, I felt the feeling of worry drift off of my shoulders. And then, only moments later, come crashing back down around me...

I may have been out of harms way for a miscarriage, but there were so many other things that could happen! And I am talking about solely in the womb, umbilical cord, heart issues, still birth... you name it, I worried... I spent the next 26 weeks agonizingly awaiting the birth of our beautiful daughter, so I could finally lay worry to rest.

Well if you have ever been a parent, then you know how naive those simple thoughts were. I thought "if only..." about 1,000 times in her first year of life.

If only she gets past the "SIDS zone"
If only she learns to chew without choking
If only she walks without breaking her neck
If only she can learn to manage stairs
If only....
If only...
If only...

I mean seriously, I was ridiculous.

And then it dawned on me like a heavy boulder on my chest.

It. Never. Ends.

The worry will NEVER go away... I saw this awful spiral of worry eating me alive. Literally, I felt like it was about to consume my every waking moment and it was honestly terrifying.

When Lydia was about 18 months old, I found out we were expecting baby #2, and I felt the creep and responsibility to worry about another precious human life. Worry alone, is probably the most exhausting thing on the planet, isn't it??

The thing with worry, is that is does NO good. None. It eats you alive with the "if only's" and the "What if's" and the "It could be's" but it never makes you feel better or calmer... it can honestly be paralyzing at times.

See I was so new to this parenting life, that I just thought this is how it is from now on. I didn't realize there was any other way... until one day, my pastor read a verse that made me want to stand up and cheer in the pew! Thank you Lord, there is a cure, an answer, a saving grace!!!

"Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Now don't get my wrong, I had heard this verse a hundred times in my life. But being a parent brings on more worry and anxiety than I could ever have imagined. This time, I heard the verse with a new heart and a new mind, and it made me feel like I could finally be free. Free to love and live and trust that my God was in control.

Fast forward a few years, we have 3 kids and life has absolutely had its ups and downs... have I been worry free? Absolutey... not. HA! We have had money scares, pregnancy scares, we have had ER visits, and those child screams that make your entire body move into action because something is terribly wrong... yes we have had those too. These moments are never going to be gone. They will change through the years, and will eventually turn into curfew scares, and broken heart fears. They will turn into "my 16 year old is behind the wheel" fears and my baby is going off to college tears...

But one thing I do know is that these fears, tears, and worry do not have to rest on my shoulders anymore. I am not immune to them by a long shot. No, quite the opposite... but it is so freeing that worry does not rest in my hands anymore.
And just because they are in God's hands, does not mean there won't be heartache and pain... It just means that I am not in this world to carry the burden of worry. I am here to love, protect, nurture, and teach my children all about life.

I want to show them how to love right, learn better, crave adventure, and take chances....and yes worry too... I want to teach them that worry is inevitable, but what you do with it can literally change your life. It did mine, and I hope it does you as well.

One day soon...

One day soon I will sleep a whole night without interruption from my baby's tears, my toddler's fears, my dog's flatulence, my husband's snores, or my bladder's inconvenience.

One day soon I will lose that blasted weight that just. won't. budge. I mean seriously, its like my body is saying a roll of thin mints is unhealthy or something?? Geesh... 

One day soon I will walk into a spotless kitchen and sigh with the simple pleasure of shiny, fingerprint-less appliances and relish in the sheer beauty of my organized pantry.

One day soon I will have the money for a brand spanking new car with all the bells and whistles... and not only that, but it will not have any french fries, stickers, legos, goldfish, or rotting milk cups hiding in the craziest places. It will be glorious. 

One day soon I will not only get a daily devotional with my God, and truly dig deep into His word, but I will also get through my long list of books waiting to be read... I will read and read and read... Truly it is a dream of mine to read and not ever stop. One day soon...

One day soon... I will look back with my uninterrupted nights, my brand new car, my spotless kitchen, and my booklist that has been checked off and I will be desperate for TODAY. For right now. 

Today is messy. Today is crazy. Today makes me want to pull my hair out. But TODAY, is all I will want when it is over. This is what we are made for... For right now. 

So I am going to drive my old, stinky car, send a quick prayer up, because honestly, it is all I can manage right at this moment. I will wake up 2-3 times tonight and tend to my family, and I will eat another roll of thin mints... because, lets face it, life is too short for lettuce all the time. 

Today I will look at the fingerprints covering every inch of my house and hold back the tears... because I know one day they will be gone. And that day, will not be all its cracked up to be... I am sure of it.

So for all of you "one day's"... you can just hold your horses, I am living for TODAY.