"The tongue has the power of life and death..." Proverbs 18:21
Last night was rough. We stayed up later than usual, and the baby didn't sleep great because... well because thats just par for the course these days. I decided to run errands to keep myself moving lest I fall into the blank stare exhausted momma I have been known to become at times.
So away we went to the beloved Walmart. To be honest I wasn't paying much attention to anything but my list and my children. I was pushing the baby in the stroller with one hand while pulling the cart with the other. Big sister helped me grab the items (and some extra!) on my list and away we went through the store.
I started to get stressed because baby was getting hungry and sister was becoming more exuberant in her quest to be heard and seen by everyone. She seriously could have a one-man show and be extremely successful later on in life, I am certain of it.
After going through all the aisles and back again for forgotten items we headed to the front to get checked out. I was doing my best to juggle paying the cashier, keeping baby happy, sister close and playing Tetris getting all items back in the cart to head back to the car... Who am I kidding, I was probably the one-man show! HA
Anyway I loaded the bags in the car, put the cart away, collapsed the stroller and put it in the car all while telling big sister several times to get in her seat so we could go because she kept insisting she had to do "one more thing".... there is always just one more thing it seems.
I eventually got her buckled, along with her increasingly frustrated brother and I finally got in the car ready to go after what felt like an eternity... and that is when it happened.
A lady I have never seen before smiled through my windshield and signaled for me to roll my window down, to be honest I thought she was going to ask me to jump her car since I was parked so close to her...internally grumbling I rolled the window down with a smile and expectant look and was smacked with a sentence so powerful my soul was in desperate need to hear.
"I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a wonderful job with your children."
BAM. It was like a crashing wave of reassurance. When I genuinely smiled and said you have no idea how much I needed to hear that, she went on to say she saw me throughout the store and she witnessed several forms of love, discipline, and patience. PATIENCE. Me?
I told her I honestly felt like I was struggling through the store and thanked her immensely for giving me the reassurance to keep doing what I am doing.
When I drove home I realized how powerful words can be. You know the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" what a foolish foolish statement... we all know how damaging words can be. I could probably write an entire book on the negative effect the things we say to others can have. But what I realized this morning is the equally powerful effect words can have for the GOOD of others.
She did not have to stop me. I would have been none the wiser. She didn't need to take the time to bless me with the affirmation of my actions... but she did, and that one sentence flipped my bleary day upside down. We sang and laughed on the way home and I felt light and lifted.
I know I want to be more intentional at speaking words of affirmation to others, whether it looks like they need it or not... you never know whose soul is weary and burdened.
I hope you will too. And in case you need it... you are beautiful and loved today!
Friday, March 18, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
Are you drowning?
We recently had our fourth child... and all of a sudden I feel like I am drowning... all over again.
You see, I am drowning all the time! I was drowning when my parents divorced, and I was drowning in my last year of high school. I was drowning throughout my entire college career and I was drowning when we planned our destination wedding. I was drowning after our first child was born, a thousand miles away from our families, and I had no idea what I was doing as a new mom.
I was drowning when my husband deployed for the first time, and I was drowning when we found out on R and R (still 3 months away form him being home) that I was pregnant with number two. And when said number two showed up, mere weeks before I finished my thesis on my masters, I was so so close to going under for good.
I almost drowned when I found out I was pregnant with my third and my husband was leaving us for a year again... I have no idea how I survived a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 6 week old for an entire year... I was drowning and waves crashed over and over again, where at times all I could do was hold on tight and try to survive the pounding.
Now I sit here, barely getting the older two off to school on time, trying to help my two year old with goldfish while nursing my newborn, and I stare at my disaster of a house, the piles and piles of laundry, the unwashed dishes and hair and I feel like I am drowning all over again.
I don't tell you this for sympathy, because certainly some of your "drowning" stories are far more severe than mine, but I tell you this to show that you can and will survive. By the sheer grace of God, He pulls us through our hardest, most difficult times... and He shows us a beautiful result of our tirelessly treading water, trying desperately not to go under. He shows us what faith and trust in Him will bring.
There are some who will read this and say, I don't feel like I am drowning at all! I hope that is you, I truly do. Those times where I feel like I am swimming laps instead of desperately treading are times worth remembering... and the knowledge I will be there again one day is a wonderful promise I am happy to hold.
But there are some of you that may understand what I am saying... and although I do not know what has you "drowning" today, it may be moving to a new place, or trying to survive a big change. Others may be enduring grief, while some may be fighting off an emotional illness no one knows about... It could be financial or emotional or physical drowning- heck it could be all three!
What is making you feel overwhelmed, insecure, or barely surviving isn't the important piece of the puzzle... What is truly important is the trust and faith in the One that will always see you through to safety, the One who will one day have you swimming laps happily.
If you are drowning, I urge you to take a deep breath, pray to the God who knows your darkest struggles, and hold on to the promise that although the waves may be strong, your anchor is much much stronger.
“We who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” (Hebrews 6:18b, 19a)
You see, I am drowning all the time! I was drowning when my parents divorced, and I was drowning in my last year of high school. I was drowning throughout my entire college career and I was drowning when we planned our destination wedding. I was drowning after our first child was born, a thousand miles away from our families, and I had no idea what I was doing as a new mom.
I was drowning when my husband deployed for the first time, and I was drowning when we found out on R and R (still 3 months away form him being home) that I was pregnant with number two. And when said number two showed up, mere weeks before I finished my thesis on my masters, I was so so close to going under for good.
I almost drowned when I found out I was pregnant with my third and my husband was leaving us for a year again... I have no idea how I survived a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 6 week old for an entire year... I was drowning and waves crashed over and over again, where at times all I could do was hold on tight and try to survive the pounding.
Now I sit here, barely getting the older two off to school on time, trying to help my two year old with goldfish while nursing my newborn, and I stare at my disaster of a house, the piles and piles of laundry, the unwashed dishes and hair and I feel like I am drowning all over again.
I don't tell you this for sympathy, because certainly some of your "drowning" stories are far more severe than mine, but I tell you this to show that you can and will survive. By the sheer grace of God, He pulls us through our hardest, most difficult times... and He shows us a beautiful result of our tirelessly treading water, trying desperately not to go under. He shows us what faith and trust in Him will bring.
There are some who will read this and say, I don't feel like I am drowning at all! I hope that is you, I truly do. Those times where I feel like I am swimming laps instead of desperately treading are times worth remembering... and the knowledge I will be there again one day is a wonderful promise I am happy to hold.
But there are some of you that may understand what I am saying... and although I do not know what has you "drowning" today, it may be moving to a new place, or trying to survive a big change. Others may be enduring grief, while some may be fighting off an emotional illness no one knows about... It could be financial or emotional or physical drowning- heck it could be all three!
What is making you feel overwhelmed, insecure, or barely surviving isn't the important piece of the puzzle... What is truly important is the trust and faith in the One that will always see you through to safety, the One who will one day have you swimming laps happily.
If you are drowning, I urge you to take a deep breath, pray to the God who knows your darkest struggles, and hold on to the promise that although the waves may be strong, your anchor is much much stronger.
“We who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” (Hebrews 6:18b, 19a)
Sunday, August 23, 2015
oh my heart, sweet child...
Tomorrow you start school. You are so excited.
It makes my heart want to burst through my skin to see you so ready to run into class with your new outfit, backpack, and light behind your eyes... finally free to be you. I have a feeling every year will be like this. This heart-burst feeling, followed swiftly by the heart-ache...
Didn't we just bring you home from the hospital? Didn't you just learn to walk, all full of stumbles and trust in the one who was there to catch you... me?
How is it that in a blink of eye our beautiful little baby is so ready to get out of the car bright and early and RUN into the new class, where I am not there to catch you when you fall. When you fail. What will happen when I am not there to wipe your tears and cover your heart with the trust you hold in me?
I am so full. Full of love and full of pride, full of happiness, and yes... full of fear. How can I protect you sweet angel of mine? This year and the years to come? What will become of you in the walls of that school... How will you know I am here for you, ALWAYS, no matter what.
It is times like this that I feel panic settle in like a weight, heavy on my heart. My baby is growing so swiftly that I can barely remember the times I thought would last forever... I can't fathom how you will one day be headed off to high school or college, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt when those days come, I will have no clue how it got there.
You are beautiful. You are strong. You are made to be exactly you, for such a time as this. I know that God created you to live life to the fullest, in all His glory... I cannot wait to see what He is going to do with you and your strong-willed little self. It will be breathtaking to witness!
So with my heart-burst and my heart-ache I will tuck you in tonight... I will pray with you, that your light shines so bright everyone has to guard their eyes. I want the love of Jesus to show in everything you do. I want to witness as the years fly by, that you dear child, have made a difference in anothers life. And I know you will. You have in mine. I would be nowhere near the same without you in my life. If you can give someone else a fraction of what you have given me, then I know it was worth sending you off tomorrow morning. And every year after that.
I love you. I am so proud of you. And when you wake me up well before the sun tomorrow morning I will smile big, hide the tug of fear, and know that you are gonna be alright... You are in His hands, and there is no better place to be.
It makes my heart want to burst through my skin to see you so ready to run into class with your new outfit, backpack, and light behind your eyes... finally free to be you. I have a feeling every year will be like this. This heart-burst feeling, followed swiftly by the heart-ache...
Didn't we just bring you home from the hospital? Didn't you just learn to walk, all full of stumbles and trust in the one who was there to catch you... me?
How is it that in a blink of eye our beautiful little baby is so ready to get out of the car bright and early and RUN into the new class, where I am not there to catch you when you fall. When you fail. What will happen when I am not there to wipe your tears and cover your heart with the trust you hold in me?
I am so full. Full of love and full of pride, full of happiness, and yes... full of fear. How can I protect you sweet angel of mine? This year and the years to come? What will become of you in the walls of that school... How will you know I am here for you, ALWAYS, no matter what.
It is times like this that I feel panic settle in like a weight, heavy on my heart. My baby is growing so swiftly that I can barely remember the times I thought would last forever... I can't fathom how you will one day be headed off to high school or college, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt when those days come, I will have no clue how it got there.
You are beautiful. You are strong. You are made to be exactly you, for such a time as this. I know that God created you to live life to the fullest, in all His glory... I cannot wait to see what He is going to do with you and your strong-willed little self. It will be breathtaking to witness!
So with my heart-burst and my heart-ache I will tuck you in tonight... I will pray with you, that your light shines so bright everyone has to guard their eyes. I want the love of Jesus to show in everything you do. I want to witness as the years fly by, that you dear child, have made a difference in anothers life. And I know you will. You have in mine. I would be nowhere near the same without you in my life. If you can give someone else a fraction of what you have given me, then I know it was worth sending you off tomorrow morning. And every year after that.
I love you. I am so proud of you. And when you wake me up well before the sun tomorrow morning I will smile big, hide the tug of fear, and know that you are gonna be alright... You are in His hands, and there is no better place to be.
Monday, July 13, 2015
When there is cereal in your hair
or spit up down the shirt that you just put on after your first shower in three days...
You are beautiful.
When you can't remember the last time you looked into the mirror, did your hair, or wore something other than yoga pants...
You are beautiful.
When you see those stretch marks, baggy eyes, and the hair growing in places you didn't know were possible...
You are beautiful.
When you're struggling with your appearance or just had to go up (again!) in pant size after the baby is already here...
You are beautiful.
You.
Are.
Beautiful.
Sometimes it is so difficult to remember that we were made for such a time as this... This time in our life where we feel worn out, muddled, and overwhelmed. It is during this time that God wraps his strong arms around and reminds us that right now, is where we are meant to be. And it is beautiful.
Some days are better than others, some days we feel powerful, achieved, and on top of our own personal world. I call those days... well to be honest, few and far between haha
BUT on the days like today, when we feel put out, self-deprecating, and just overall blah... days like this, remind yourself how truly stunning you are, messy, hair, dirty shirt, frazzled brains and all :)
Today I am beautiful.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Why I let my kids watch TV all day (and you should too!)
Ok this really isn't a plea to let your kids veg out in front of a TV all day if you do not feel inclined to do so... I am not trying to make you feel guilty for reading books and doing crafts, making puzzles and recreating Pinterest. I am not dissing those who have "helper" kids for the laundry, dishes, and bill paying (not to mention the thousand other daily "chores") This is me simply saying, my kids watch TV all day (on occasion), and I am A-OK with that.
The thing is...well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! (yes I broke out in song, if you didn't, shame on you lol)
I am not advocating that TV makes a child stronger, that would be silly, although there was one time I spent an entire sleep deprived "lesson" telling my oldest a hexagon was an octagon... Mickey Mouse corrected me the following morning... shame for days everyone.
In all seriousness. Sometimes we just need a break. We need a day where the children have there noses in front of the TV, the snacks replace an actual lunch, and they don't change clothes until they complain of crumbs down their pants (I am not the only one this has happened to, right?)
What I wouldn't give for an entire day watching TV... if you are able to do this now, depending on your stage in life, enjoy it... it is truly glorious! Huh? Maybe this is me trying to live vicariously through my kids by giving them what I can't have?? Anywho that's a whole separate topic...
Today is one of those days... I woke up, and have zero motivation, the laundry is piled, the dishes are dirty, and I had to make multiple phone calls. So Sid the Science Kid and Cat and the Hat... and maybe some Dinosaur Train came to the rescue and I have gotten a lot done. And you know what is awesome? I do not feel the slightest bit guilty. And you shouldn't either.
Now before you start thinking my kids don't have a real mom because the TV has taken over their lives just hold your horses. This all day TV thing happens on occasion, maybe once a month, maybe twice if their lucky ;) This is not something that happens all the time, but when it does I am a better mom because of it. I can think with my whole brain (or what is left of it), I can do multiple tasks and I do not have a "mommy she hit me!" and "mommy I need help with this train track", and "mommy please watch me do a cartwheel", and "mommy he is copying me!", and "mommy can I go ride my bike?" and... well you get the idea.
My days are filled with attending these beautiful children and I love my job with all my heart. But I don't get a weekend break. I don't get off at 5pm, and I sure as heck don't get sick or vacation days. So when I just need some peace and quiet Jake and the Neverland Pirates come to the rescue and I feel extremely grateful for them.
So if you have the TV on and you are taking a shower, making dinner, folding laundry, or even reading a book... don't feel guilty! It is ok, every once in awhile, to catch a break yourself.
One day these kids will be entertaining themselves and won't want us around at all, and I think of that often when the going gets tough, but that doesn't mean we need to run ourselves ragged being "all that we can be!"... give yourself a break, and let your child learn their correct shapes from the adorable Mickey Mouse, he wasn't up all night with a baby!!!
The thing is...well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! (yes I broke out in song, if you didn't, shame on you lol)
I am not advocating that TV makes a child stronger, that would be silly, although there was one time I spent an entire sleep deprived "lesson" telling my oldest a hexagon was an octagon... Mickey Mouse corrected me the following morning... shame for days everyone.
In all seriousness. Sometimes we just need a break. We need a day where the children have there noses in front of the TV, the snacks replace an actual lunch, and they don't change clothes until they complain of crumbs down their pants (I am not the only one this has happened to, right?)
What I wouldn't give for an entire day watching TV... if you are able to do this now, depending on your stage in life, enjoy it... it is truly glorious! Huh? Maybe this is me trying to live vicariously through my kids by giving them what I can't have?? Anywho that's a whole separate topic...
Today is one of those days... I woke up, and have zero motivation, the laundry is piled, the dishes are dirty, and I had to make multiple phone calls. So Sid the Science Kid and Cat and the Hat... and maybe some Dinosaur Train came to the rescue and I have gotten a lot done. And you know what is awesome? I do not feel the slightest bit guilty. And you shouldn't either.
Now before you start thinking my kids don't have a real mom because the TV has taken over their lives just hold your horses. This all day TV thing happens on occasion, maybe once a month, maybe twice if their lucky ;) This is not something that happens all the time, but when it does I am a better mom because of it. I can think with my whole brain (or what is left of it), I can do multiple tasks and I do not have a "mommy she hit me!" and "mommy I need help with this train track", and "mommy please watch me do a cartwheel", and "mommy he is copying me!", and "mommy can I go ride my bike?" and... well you get the idea.
My days are filled with attending these beautiful children and I love my job with all my heart. But I don't get a weekend break. I don't get off at 5pm, and I sure as heck don't get sick or vacation days. So when I just need some peace and quiet Jake and the Neverland Pirates come to the rescue and I feel extremely grateful for them.
So if you have the TV on and you are taking a shower, making dinner, folding laundry, or even reading a book... don't feel guilty! It is ok, every once in awhile, to catch a break yourself.
One day these kids will be entertaining themselves and won't want us around at all, and I think of that often when the going gets tough, but that doesn't mean we need to run ourselves ragged being "all that we can be!"... give yourself a break, and let your child learn their correct shapes from the adorable Mickey Mouse, he wasn't up all night with a baby!!!
Monday, March 30, 2015
Facebook Captured... or Free??
Silly title, I know.
But humor me... which one are you?
I have, without a doubt, been Facebook captured... until recently.
I have been known to open the app every single free moment, well that could be a little exaggerate, but probably not far from the truth.
My husband gets in the shower, phone.
My kids watch TV, phone.
Parked for 10 minutes before school gets out, phone.
Kids playing nicely, phone.
Dinner ready, but waiting on husband, phone.
Husband fell asleep before me, phone.
I honestly could probably go on, but you get the idea... sound familiar? Or does it sound like a crazy person who needs a life?
Don't worry if you said crazy, sometimes I feel like a crazy person because of how often I was clicking on the "Facebook" app on my phone.... semi-embarrasing to admit it.
I recently gave Facebook up for Lent... I think I tried last year with a few "cheats" along the way... My heart was not fully committed to not opening my Facebook for the entire 40 days like it is right now. This time it has stuck. I am one week out from being able to have full access again.
To be honest I don't know if I want it.
I know Lent is symbolic, and it is not something that is necessary in a Christian persons life. And if I am being truthful, I don't think about Christ and His sacrifice while I choose not to open Facebook... so I basically could have done this at any given time of the year, but Lent gave me that extra push to be committed... and this time it worked.
The first week was tough. I changed my password but the app was still on my phone. I clicked on it quite a bit, just to see the "sign in" screen pop up, and then to remember I gave it up. It was like a nervous twitch I couldn't get rid of!! So I deleted the app... I will not put it back on my phone.
The next week was freeing... I didn't have a clue what was going on in the world, and although I missed some sweet pictures and cute stories I am sure, I also missed the mundane, boring, or down right drama filled statuses that used up my free time with things that didn't matter to me.
This past week I have learned that I don't even think of Facebook, besides when people say things like "Did you see that post?" Or "Did you see what I sent you?" Things like that make it plain that I am not on Facebook and am missing snapshots of people's lives because of it... but without those reminders, I don't mind not knowing everything going on. I don't mind missing the little things. It hasn't changed how I view my day, myself, or my family. It has been NICE to not be "in the know" for once...
I am one week out. And I don't know if I want it back.
It is freeing.
Facebook or something like it, such as Twitter, or the website that hasn't been invented yet but will absolutely take off like a storm... these social media sites are not going away. They are here to stay, and for the most part they are a wonderful way to stay in touch. I love that I can see what my childhood friends are up to nowadays, or my high school buddies having children. I love to see my cousins pictures, and my Grandma's plan for the day.
Please don't take this like a GIVE UP FACEBOOK AND YOU'LL BE FREE!!! blog, but more of a push to not let it control your free moments... like I was letting it control mine.
In a week I will open my Facebook, and probably play catch up for a little bit. But I am going to try desperately to remember that I don't need Facebook to have a successful day, and I don't need it to fill my free moments... I truly have WAY too much to do anyway. And I can use Facebook as a tool, and not let it become a crutch.
I don't have to "like" everything.
I do not need to reply to that message immediately.
I absolutely do not need to see every comment right after it was made and the "likes" I get will be there later...
I do not need Facebook... and that officially makes me feel free.
I could be the only one with my Facebook addiction, but something tells me I am not ;) It may not be Facebook for you, it could be a game, or Twitter. It could be Youtube or Words with Friends... Whatever you are "captured" by... consider letting it go for awhile, and gain a valuable perspective on what you do with your precious time. I know I have learned a great deal and I truly pray I do not go back.
But humor me... which one are you?
I have, without a doubt, been Facebook captured... until recently.
I have been known to open the app every single free moment, well that could be a little exaggerate, but probably not far from the truth.
My husband gets in the shower, phone.
My kids watch TV, phone.
Parked for 10 minutes before school gets out, phone.
Kids playing nicely, phone.
Dinner ready, but waiting on husband, phone.
Husband fell asleep before me, phone.
I honestly could probably go on, but you get the idea... sound familiar? Or does it sound like a crazy person who needs a life?
Don't worry if you said crazy, sometimes I feel like a crazy person because of how often I was clicking on the "Facebook" app on my phone.... semi-embarrasing to admit it.
I recently gave Facebook up for Lent... I think I tried last year with a few "cheats" along the way... My heart was not fully committed to not opening my Facebook for the entire 40 days like it is right now. This time it has stuck. I am one week out from being able to have full access again.
To be honest I don't know if I want it.
I know Lent is symbolic, and it is not something that is necessary in a Christian persons life. And if I am being truthful, I don't think about Christ and His sacrifice while I choose not to open Facebook... so I basically could have done this at any given time of the year, but Lent gave me that extra push to be committed... and this time it worked.
The first week was tough. I changed my password but the app was still on my phone. I clicked on it quite a bit, just to see the "sign in" screen pop up, and then to remember I gave it up. It was like a nervous twitch I couldn't get rid of!! So I deleted the app... I will not put it back on my phone.
The next week was freeing... I didn't have a clue what was going on in the world, and although I missed some sweet pictures and cute stories I am sure, I also missed the mundane, boring, or down right drama filled statuses that used up my free time with things that didn't matter to me.
This past week I have learned that I don't even think of Facebook, besides when people say things like "Did you see that post?" Or "Did you see what I sent you?" Things like that make it plain that I am not on Facebook and am missing snapshots of people's lives because of it... but without those reminders, I don't mind not knowing everything going on. I don't mind missing the little things. It hasn't changed how I view my day, myself, or my family. It has been NICE to not be "in the know" for once...
I am one week out. And I don't know if I want it back.
It is freeing.
Facebook or something like it, such as Twitter, or the website that hasn't been invented yet but will absolutely take off like a storm... these social media sites are not going away. They are here to stay, and for the most part they are a wonderful way to stay in touch. I love that I can see what my childhood friends are up to nowadays, or my high school buddies having children. I love to see my cousins pictures, and my Grandma's plan for the day.
Please don't take this like a GIVE UP FACEBOOK AND YOU'LL BE FREE!!! blog, but more of a push to not let it control your free moments... like I was letting it control mine.
In a week I will open my Facebook, and probably play catch up for a little bit. But I am going to try desperately to remember that I don't need Facebook to have a successful day, and I don't need it to fill my free moments... I truly have WAY too much to do anyway. And I can use Facebook as a tool, and not let it become a crutch.
I don't have to "like" everything.
I do not need to reply to that message immediately.
I absolutely do not need to see every comment right after it was made and the "likes" I get will be there later...
I do not need Facebook... and that officially makes me feel free.
I could be the only one with my Facebook addiction, but something tells me I am not ;) It may not be Facebook for you, it could be a game, or Twitter. It could be Youtube or Words with Friends... Whatever you are "captured" by... consider letting it go for awhile, and gain a valuable perspective on what you do with your precious time. I know I have learned a great deal and I truly pray I do not go back.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Parking Lot Church
Today started off like any other... well minus the time change, which was a little rough. We woke up, I got in the shower, the kids trickled in with their sleepy eyes and footy pajamas. We had spent last night celebrating our little's second birthday with the grandparents. It was a good evening and a decent nights rest for all....
So what I cannot explain is what happened next. It almost was comical, if I had not been the parent in charge (Daddy is away for work)... we had a meltdown over mirrors not reflecting properly, and the fact that there was no Captain Crunch cereal. We had dirty stares and rude comments. Our son simply lost it over the fact that I would not let him open the umbrella in the house. Tragic, I know.
Our oldest was... well pretty much a brat to the core. And I do not use the word 'brat' often or lightly. She was mean, gave hateful glances, and just seriously disrespectful. Our middle was in a cry mode that had no 'off' button... Mercifully, our birthday girl was quiet and happy, which was a Godsend because truthfully I about lost if and it was only 8am.
We were dressed for church with tear-stained cheeks and hungry tummies (obviously Cinnamon Toasted Crunch is no substitute for the Captain), but all in all we were ready to go.
but I just felt so drained....
I was done. It was 8am and I was throwing in the towel. So we left. I packed the bags with screaming children donning beautiful dresses and button up cuteness, and we loaded into the car. With the sure fact that church is not where we needed to be, I pulled out of my in-laws (I am certain they were not sad to see us go at that precise moment) and with a longing look that said "could I just leave them here for an hour or maybe the week?" I pulled out, with tears all around we left and headed home. I had Miss cranky-pants-with-super-rude-body-language-and-tongue, Mr. nothing-in-the-world-is-going-right-so-let-me-throw-a-horrific-fit-about-it, and little Miss it's-my-party-and-I'll-cry-if-I-want-to, we drove off away from church, and towards home.
I was so ready to pull the car over and spank them, yell at them, or maybe just cry it out myself. It was not my proudest moment. But about ten minutes into our forty minute drive, something happened. I don't know if it was because they were strapped in, the Christian music in the background, my silent plea for help, or the realization that I could have church anywhere, whichever it was I will never know, but peace filled my heart, the kids quieted down, and we listened to songs about our loving God. It was simple, it was sweet, and it was exactly what we needed.
About thirty minutes in we were singing, laughing, and talking about the world and how big and beautiful it was. The kids were giggling, I was calm and peaceful, and I decided it was the best kind of church out there... at least today. Today it was the church we needed.
I thought it was a genius idea to start up a parking lot church. Everyone drives up, parks, and keeps the kids strapped in. No chasing or quieting down for the sake of the people in the pew behind you. Just pull up, tune the car to the pastor sermon and songs, and then go home. Perfect, I know.
No in all seriousness, today started off so wrong. It made me feel like an awful mom, and I know my kids didn't feel all sweet and angelic either... but by 9am, when we walked into the door from our impromptu church, we had a completely different attitude, all of us. For that, I am thanking God.
So here is to Sunday, the day to give to the Lord, no matter where you are. Today, we were in a car, and that is ok. It is well, it is well with my soul.
So what I cannot explain is what happened next. It almost was comical, if I had not been the parent in charge (Daddy is away for work)... we had a meltdown over mirrors not reflecting properly, and the fact that there was no Captain Crunch cereal. We had dirty stares and rude comments. Our son simply lost it over the fact that I would not let him open the umbrella in the house. Tragic, I know.
Our oldest was... well pretty much a brat to the core. And I do not use the word 'brat' often or lightly. She was mean, gave hateful glances, and just seriously disrespectful. Our middle was in a cry mode that had no 'off' button... Mercifully, our birthday girl was quiet and happy, which was a Godsend because truthfully I about lost if and it was only 8am.
We were dressed for church with tear-stained cheeks and hungry tummies (obviously Cinnamon Toasted Crunch is no substitute for the Captain), but all in all we were ready to go.
but I just felt so drained....
I was done. It was 8am and I was throwing in the towel. So we left. I packed the bags with screaming children donning beautiful dresses and button up cuteness, and we loaded into the car. With the sure fact that church is not where we needed to be, I pulled out of my in-laws (I am certain they were not sad to see us go at that precise moment) and with a longing look that said "could I just leave them here for an hour or maybe the week?" I pulled out, with tears all around we left and headed home. I had Miss cranky-pants-with-super-rude-body-language-and-tongue, Mr. nothing-in-the-world-is-going-right-so-let-me-throw-a-horrific-fit-about-it, and little Miss it's-my-party-and-I'll-cry-if-I-want-to, we drove off away from church, and towards home.
I was so ready to pull the car over and spank them, yell at them, or maybe just cry it out myself. It was not my proudest moment. But about ten minutes into our forty minute drive, something happened. I don't know if it was because they were strapped in, the Christian music in the background, my silent plea for help, or the realization that I could have church anywhere, whichever it was I will never know, but peace filled my heart, the kids quieted down, and we listened to songs about our loving God. It was simple, it was sweet, and it was exactly what we needed.
About thirty minutes in we were singing, laughing, and talking about the world and how big and beautiful it was. The kids were giggling, I was calm and peaceful, and I decided it was the best kind of church out there... at least today. Today it was the church we needed.
I thought it was a genius idea to start up a parking lot church. Everyone drives up, parks, and keeps the kids strapped in. No chasing or quieting down for the sake of the people in the pew behind you. Just pull up, tune the car to the pastor sermon and songs, and then go home. Perfect, I know.
No in all seriousness, today started off so wrong. It made me feel like an awful mom, and I know my kids didn't feel all sweet and angelic either... but by 9am, when we walked into the door from our impromptu church, we had a completely different attitude, all of us. For that, I am thanking God.
So here is to Sunday, the day to give to the Lord, no matter where you are. Today, we were in a car, and that is ok. It is well, it is well with my soul.
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