Tomorrow you start school. You are so excited.
It makes my heart want to burst through my skin to see you so ready to run into class with your new outfit, backpack, and light behind your eyes... finally free to be you. I have a feeling every year will be like this. This heart-burst feeling, followed swiftly by the heart-ache...
Didn't we just bring you home from the hospital? Didn't you just learn to walk, all full of stumbles and trust in the one who was there to catch you... me?
How is it that in a blink of eye our beautiful little baby is so ready to get out of the car bright and early and RUN into the new class, where I am not there to catch you when you fall. When you fail. What will happen when I am not there to wipe your tears and cover your heart with the trust you hold in me?
I am so full. Full of love and full of pride, full of happiness, and yes... full of fear. How can I protect you sweet angel of mine? This year and the years to come? What will become of you in the walls of that school... How will you know I am here for you, ALWAYS, no matter what.
It is times like this that I feel panic settle in like a weight, heavy on my heart. My baby is growing so swiftly that I can barely remember the times I thought would last forever... I can't fathom how you will one day be headed off to high school or college, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt when those days come, I will have no clue how it got there.
You are beautiful. You are strong. You are made to be exactly you, for such a time as this. I know that God created you to live life to the fullest, in all His glory... I cannot wait to see what He is going to do with you and your strong-willed little self. It will be breathtaking to witness!
So with my heart-burst and my heart-ache I will tuck you in tonight... I will pray with you, that your light shines so bright everyone has to guard their eyes. I want the love of Jesus to show in everything you do. I want to witness as the years fly by, that you dear child, have made a difference in anothers life. And I know you will. You have in mine. I would be nowhere near the same without you in my life. If you can give someone else a fraction of what you have given me, then I know it was worth sending you off tomorrow morning. And every year after that.
I love you. I am so proud of you. And when you wake me up well before the sun tomorrow morning I will smile big, hide the tug of fear, and know that you are gonna be alright... You are in His hands, and there is no better place to be.
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