oh my heart, sweet child...

Tomorrow you start school. You are so excited.

It makes my heart want to burst through my skin to see you so ready to run into class with your new outfit, backpack, and light behind your eyes... finally free to be you.  I have a feeling every year will be like this. This heart-burst feeling, followed swiftly by the heart-ache...
Didn't we just bring you home from the hospital? Didn't you just learn to walk, all full of stumbles and trust in the one who was there to catch you... me?
How is it that in a blink of eye our beautiful little baby is so ready to get out of the car bright and early and RUN into the new class, where I am not there to catch you when you fall. When you fail. What will happen when I am not there to wipe your tears and cover your heart with the trust you hold in me?

I am so full. Full of love and full of pride, full of happiness, and yes... full of fear. How can I protect you sweet angel of mine? This year and the years to come? What will become of you in the walls of that school... How will you know I am here for you, ALWAYS, no matter what.

It is times like this that I feel panic settle in like a weight, heavy on my heart. My baby is growing so swiftly that I can barely remember the times I thought would last forever... I can't fathom how you will one day be headed off to high school or college, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt when those days come, I will have no clue how it got there.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are made to be exactly you, for such a time as this. I know that God created you to live life to the fullest, in all His glory... I cannot wait to see what He is going to do with you and your strong-willed little self. It will be breathtaking to witness!

So with my heart-burst and my heart-ache I will tuck you in tonight... I will pray with you, that your light shines so bright everyone has to guard their eyes. I want the love of Jesus to show in everything you do. I want to witness as the years fly by, that you dear child, have made a difference in anothers life. And I know you will. You have in mine. I would be nowhere near the same without you in my life. If you can give someone else a fraction of what you have given me, then I know it was worth sending you off tomorrow morning. And every year after that.

I love you. I am so proud of you. And when you wake me up well before the sun tomorrow morning I will smile big, hide the tug of fear, and know that you are gonna be alright... You are in His hands, and there is no better place to be.

When there is cereal in your hair

or spit up down the shirt that you just put on after your first shower in three days...

You are beautiful.

When you can't remember the last time you looked into the mirror, did your hair, or wore something other than yoga pants...

You are beautiful.

When you see those stretch marks, baggy eyes, and the hair growing in places you didn't know were possible... 

You are beautiful.

When you're struggling with your appearance or just had to go up (again!) in pant size after the baby is already here...

You are beautiful.

You.

Are.

Beautiful.

Sometimes it is so difficult to remember that we were made for such a time as this... This time in our life where we feel worn out, muddled, and overwhelmed. It is during this time that God wraps his strong arms around and reminds us that right now, is where we are meant to be. And it is beautiful.

Some days are better than others, some days we feel powerful, achieved, and on top of our own personal world. I call those days... well to be honest, few and far between haha 

BUT on the days like today, when we feel put out, self-deprecating, and just overall blah... days like this, remind yourself how truly stunning you are, messy, hair, dirty shirt, frazzled brains and all :)

Today I am beautiful.

Why I let my kids watch TV all day (and you should too!)

Ok this really isn't a plea to let your kids veg out in front of a TV all day if you do not feel inclined to do so... I am not trying to make you feel guilty for reading books and doing crafts, making puzzles and recreating Pinterest. I am not dissing those who have "helper" kids for the laundry, dishes, and bill paying (not to mention the thousand other daily "chores") This is me simply saying, my kids watch TV all day (on occasion), and I am A-OK with that.

The thing is...well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! (yes I broke out in song, if you didn't, shame on you lol)

I am not advocating that TV makes a child stronger, that would be silly, although there was one time I spent an entire sleep deprived "lesson" telling my oldest a hexagon was an octagon... Mickey Mouse corrected me the following morning... shame for days everyone.

In all seriousness. Sometimes we just need a break. We need a day where the children have there noses in front of the TV, the snacks replace an actual lunch, and they don't change clothes until they complain of crumbs down their pants (I am not the only one this has happened to, right?)

What I wouldn't give for an entire day watching TV... if you are able to do this now, depending on your stage in life, enjoy it... it is truly glorious! Huh? Maybe this is me trying to live vicariously through my kids by giving them what I can't have?? Anywho that's a whole separate topic...

Today is one of those days... I woke up, and have zero motivation, the laundry is piled, the dishes are dirty, and I had to make multiple phone calls. So Sid the Science Kid and Cat and the Hat... and maybe some Dinosaur Train came to the rescue and I have gotten a lot done. And you know what is awesome? I do not feel the slightest bit guilty. And you shouldn't either.

Now before you start thinking my kids don't have a real mom because the TV has taken over their lives just hold your horses. This all day TV thing happens on occasion, maybe once a month, maybe twice if their lucky ;) This is not something that happens all the time, but when it does I am a better mom because of it. I can think with my whole brain (or what is left of it), I can do multiple tasks and I do not have a "mommy she hit me!" and "mommy I need help with this train track", and "mommy please watch me do a cartwheel", and "mommy he is copying me!", and "mommy can I go ride my bike?" and... well you get the idea.

My days are filled with attending these beautiful children and I love my job with all my heart. But I don't get a weekend break. I don't get off at 5pm, and I sure as heck don't get sick or vacation days. So when I just need some peace and quiet Jake and the Neverland Pirates come to the rescue and I feel extremely grateful for them.

So if you have the TV on and you are taking a shower, making dinner, folding laundry, or even reading a book... don't feel guilty! It is ok, every once in awhile, to catch a break yourself.

One day these kids will be entertaining themselves and won't want us around at all, and I think of that often when the going gets tough, but that doesn't mean we need to run ourselves ragged being "all that we can be!"... give yourself a break, and let your child learn their correct shapes from the adorable Mickey Mouse, he wasn't up all night with a baby!!!

Facebook Captured... or Free??

Silly title, I know.
But humor me... which one are you?

I have, without a doubt, been Facebook captured... until recently.

I have been known to open the app every single free moment, well that could be a little exaggerate, but probably not far from the truth.

My husband gets in the shower, phone.
My kids watch TV, phone.
Parked for 10 minutes before school gets out, phone.
Kids playing nicely, phone.
Dinner ready, but waiting on husband, phone.
Husband fell asleep before me, phone.

I honestly could probably go on, but you get the idea... sound familiar? Or does it sound like a crazy person who needs a life?
Don't worry if you said crazy, sometimes I feel like a crazy person because of how often I was clicking on the "Facebook" app on my phone.... semi-embarrasing to admit it.

I recently gave Facebook up for Lent... I think I tried last year with a few "cheats" along the way... My heart was not fully committed to not opening my Facebook for the entire 40 days like it is right now. This time it has stuck. I am one week out from being able to have full access again.

To be honest I don't know if I want it.

I know Lent is symbolic, and it is not something that is necessary in a Christian persons life. And if I am being truthful, I don't think about Christ and His sacrifice while I choose not to open Facebook... so I basically could have done this at any given time of the year, but Lent gave me that extra push to be committed... and this time it worked.

The first week was tough. I changed my password but the app was still on my phone. I clicked on it quite a bit, just to see the "sign in" screen pop up, and then to remember I gave it up. It was like a nervous twitch I couldn't get rid of!! So I deleted the app... I will not put it back on my phone.

The next week was freeing... I didn't have a clue what was going on in the world, and although I missed some sweet pictures and cute stories I am sure, I also missed the mundane, boring, or down right drama filled statuses that used up my free time with things that didn't matter to me.

This past week I have learned that I don't even think of Facebook, besides when people say things like "Did you see that post?" Or "Did you see what I sent you?" Things like that make it plain that I am not on Facebook and am missing snapshots of people's lives because of it... but without those reminders, I don't mind not knowing everything going on. I don't mind missing the little things. It hasn't changed how I view my day, myself, or my family. It has been NICE to not be "in the know" for once...

I am one week out. And I don't know if I want it back.

It is freeing.

Facebook or something like it, such as Twitter, or the website that hasn't been invented yet but will absolutely take off like a storm... these social media sites are not going away. They are here to stay, and for the most part they are a wonderful way to stay in touch. I love that I can see what my childhood friends are up to nowadays, or my high school buddies having children. I love to see my cousins pictures, and my Grandma's plan for the day.
Please don't take this like a GIVE UP FACEBOOK AND YOU'LL BE FREE!!! blog, but more of a push to not let it control your free moments... like I was letting it control mine.


In a week I will open my Facebook, and probably play catch up for a little bit. But I am going to try desperately to remember that I don't need Facebook to have a successful day, and I don't need it to fill my free moments... I truly have WAY too much to do anyway. And I can use Facebook as a tool, and not let it become a crutch.

I don't have to "like" everything.
I do not need to reply to that message immediately.
I absolutely do not need to see every comment right after it was made and the "likes" I get will be there later...

I do not need Facebook... and that officially makes me feel free.

I could be the only one with my Facebook addiction, but something tells me I am not ;) It may not be Facebook for you, it could be a game, or Twitter. It could be Youtube or Words with Friends... Whatever you are "captured" by... consider letting it go for awhile, and gain a valuable perspective on what you do with your precious time. I know I have learned a great deal and I truly pray I do not go back.

Parking Lot Church

Today started off like any other... well minus the time change, which was a little rough. We woke up, I got in the shower, the kids trickled in with their sleepy eyes and footy pajamas. We had spent last night celebrating our little's second birthday with the grandparents. It was a good evening and a decent nights rest for all....

So what I cannot explain is what happened next. It almost was comical, if I had not been the parent in charge (Daddy is away for work)... we had a meltdown over mirrors not reflecting properly, and the fact that there was no Captain Crunch cereal. We had dirty stares and rude comments. Our son simply lost it over the fact that I would not let him open the umbrella in the house. Tragic, I know.

Our oldest was... well pretty much a brat to the core. And I do not use the word 'brat' often or lightly. She was mean, gave hateful glances, and just seriously disrespectful. Our middle was in a cry mode that had no 'off' button... Mercifully, our birthday girl was quiet and happy, which was a Godsend because truthfully I about lost if and it was only 8am.

We were dressed for church with tear-stained cheeks and hungry tummies (obviously Cinnamon Toasted Crunch is no substitute for the Captain), but all in all we were ready to go.

but I just felt so drained....

I was done. It was 8am and I was throwing in the towel. So we left. I packed the bags with screaming children donning beautiful dresses and button up cuteness, and we loaded into the car. With the sure fact that church is not where we needed to be, I pulled out of my in-laws (I am certain they were not sad to see us go at that precise moment) and with a longing look that said "could I just leave them here for an hour or maybe the week?" I pulled out, with tears all around we left and headed home. I had Miss cranky-pants-with-super-rude-body-language-and-tongue, Mr. nothing-in-the-world-is-going-right-so-let-me-throw-a-horrific-fit-about-it, and little Miss it's-my-party-and-I'll-cry-if-I-want-to, we drove off away from church, and towards home.

I was so ready to pull the car over and spank them, yell at them, or maybe just cry it out myself. It was not my proudest moment. But about ten minutes into our forty minute drive, something happened. I don't know if it was because they were strapped in, the Christian music in the background, my silent plea for help, or the realization that I could have church anywhere, whichever it was I will never know, but peace filled my heart, the kids quieted down, and we listened to songs about our loving God. It was simple, it was sweet, and it was exactly what we needed.

About thirty minutes in we were singing, laughing, and talking about the world and how big and beautiful it was. The kids were giggling, I was calm and peaceful, and I decided it was the best kind of church out there... at least today. Today it was the church we needed.

I thought it was a genius idea to start up a parking lot church. Everyone drives up, parks, and keeps the kids strapped in. No chasing or quieting down for the sake of the people in the pew behind you. Just pull up, tune the car to the pastor sermon and songs, and then go home. Perfect, I know.

No in all seriousness, today started off so wrong. It made me feel like an awful mom, and I know my kids didn't feel all sweet and angelic either... but by 9am, when we walked into the door from our impromptu church, we had a completely different attitude, all of us. For that, I am thanking God.

So here is to Sunday, the day to give to the Lord, no matter where you are. Today, we were in a car, and that is ok. It is well, it is well with my soul.

What is Posh?!

So a couple years back I tried my first Perfectly Posh item. It was a bath bomb and it was delectably delicious and I seriously did not want to get out, even when the water pretty darn cold. I since have discovered their chapstick, face masks, lotions, etc. are all simply amazing.

This website will explain what the company is all about.

It is honestly worth buying something, even if it is small, just to get the fascinating dissolvable packing peanuts that come in the box! Seriously... they are awesome.

Anyway I am not used to doing sales pitches, but this is worth it, because lets face it, we all like to be beautiful and have fun at the same time ;)

And last but not least, this specific party has 100% of its proceeds going to support a cause close to my heart, and therefore I had to push it forward, but it doesn't mean I am not getting really excited about some new products in my bathroom!

So if you haven't tried it, please do, totally worth it! And if you are a veteran Posh lover, then maybe check out some new products to support a great cause.... Here is the link to the site!

Have fun being BeYOUtiful, because you are :)

You never know...

Today I sit here frustrated. I am frustrated with my God. I am frustrated with my body. I am frustrated with my children. And yes, my husband too.
This feeling of irritability with the things I love most makes me even more frustrated...

This ball of emotions is all because life isn't going as I planned. It really comes down to that.
I am not skinny and fit, as I absolutely planned for the end of my 20's.
My husband is going out of town for 2 weeks, leaving me with all duties, and I am annoyed.
My kids... well they are just being kids, but today it irks me.
My God. The one who is planning my life, well He is not doing it right!! At least not at this moment.

You never know...

You never know why things are going the way they are... why is there snow on the ground when I really wanted to get a good 3 mile walk in today to meet my skinny goal?
Why are the kids arguing when I obviously have had it up to HERE with it all?
Why does my husband have to leave at this critical time of sanity?

And why, oh why God, are You letting it all happen?

You never know.
You never know why something is happening, until it is over. Then your hindsight really is 20/20... or rather you realize Gods miraculous hands had a reason and a plan for you. Right NOW you don't know why life is happening the way it is. It can be frustrating, tiring, happy, sad, and everything in between... and we always wonder why? Why is this happening now... but you know, God has never failed to pull through in His timing. He has a plan for me, and my frustration isn't going to change the outcome, because God is good.

So I am laying my frustrations down. It is time to trust in the plan for me.

Why God, Why Me?

I sit here drinking a steaming cup of coffee for the first time in weeks, or so it seems... not that I haven't drank coffee, but steaming? Its like a dream come true.

I sit here staring out the back door at the cardinal eating bird seed that has fallen from our feeder and think God truly is magnificent... I mean you should see it, against the white of the snow. Breathtaking.

I sit here with my angel who I personally believe has made it her life mission to wake up before the sun, like a fun game that she made with the master light (I will beat you tomorrow you silly sun!! Ok not really, but you get the gist).... A few weeks ago it used to bother me, more than I would like to admit. But right at this moment, and in the weeks leading up to it, I realize how precious this time is together. She doesn't get much alone time with me, being the youngest, and I think it is a little nudge saying, go spend some one on one time with her... even if it is just sitting on the same couch, milk and coffee in respective hands, watching Mickey Mouse or reading books. It is a delightful time of my day and I hope I always feel that way.

I sit here in the comfort of my home, wrapped in blankets and so much love and feel so overwhelmed... Do you ever wonder how you got to where you are? Whether you are in a good place, a scary place, or a miserable place, do you remember to thank God for what you have? I often forget... I often take what is good, as what I deserve, and what is bad or hurtful, something that is definitely not deserved... why is that?

We live in a world full of sin and hatred, we live in a world that is teaming with temptation and bad people... Yes, there is so much love and a bounty of good, but we are not just bubbles of people who only envelope the good that happens, and avoid the bad. We are so easily tempted to say "Why, God why me??" when something awful comes our way. It is so easy to fall into the trap of the feeling of entitlement!

I think the more natural response that should come from our mouth is when something good and amazing comes our way, even the littlest things... "Why God, why me??"

I don't know about you, but today I am going to sit here with my angel, my steaming cup, and the beauty out of my very own window like it was painted just for me, and with a grateful heart wonder "Why God, why me??"

When Life Begs for a Redo

Life is hard.

You break your arm or maybe someone's heart.
You get a speeding ticket or cause a wreck.
You diet and eat right and gain instead of lose.
They leave or you do.... sometime's against one's will.

Life sucks sometimes...

You have a meltdown or maybe even ten.
You work so hard only for it to fail.
You find out an awful diagnosis or hear horrible news.
You say so many goodbyes, and sometimes they're forever.

You plan and scheme and dream and then life... it happens. And sometimes it doesn't make sense. Sometimes it makes you want to just... give up. Throw in the towel and scream, "What is the point?!?!"

Bad choices.
Bad reactions.
Bad situations.
Life is tough.
It doesn't give... it doesn't budge. And when you least expect it, it adds insult to injury.

When life begs for a redo, what do you do?

Often times our instinct is to curl up and complain. Complain to our friends, our spouses, and anyone that happens upon our way. Other times we internalize it and it comes out in other parts of our life... yelling at kids, nit picking with our spouses, all while ruining our own fragile attitude.

How do we get around the hard?? I don't know about you, but when life gets hard for me I find solace and comfort in knowing that everything happens for a reason, because God has a plan for me. I don't know the end result, but I do know I am safe in His hands.

Life can be hard. It WILL be hard. Our acceptance that there are no redo's, and our reaction to the hard is more important than anything. There is only one in control of everything. When we go to Him and rest our weary hearts at His feet, we can find peace in the difficult. We can trust that everything happens for a reason. It doesn't mean life won't suck at times. It doesn't mean He will prepare a path of enjoyment without hardship because our trust is in Him... It just means we don't carry the burden of the difficult life events that we don't understand.


"Come to Me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
 

Enduring the Rough to Secure the Sweet

A few weeks ago we were sitting at the dinner table and our children were melting down... I mean MELTING. Nothing was going right. Our son refused to eat a bite of chicken and rudely repeated the "I don't like chicken" mantra over and over, our baby saw a cookie and officially declared "dessert time" before we ever even sat down to eat and then cried the entire way thorough dinner, and our oldest... our sweet determined oldest. She, with tears in her eyes, said "I don't want this family anymore!! I want a new one!"

I am going to tell you my honest reaction. I laughed. I really did. Because at that precise moment, I kind of wanted a new family too.

Isn't life funny sometimes? It takes the really harsh times for us to be grateful for the sweet. It makes us want to pull our hair out when our child is throwing yet another tantrum over something small and insignificant, but a couple hours later a loving cuddle will thaw our tired, frigid heart in an instant.

The last time my husband deployed it was ROUGH. He left when our baby was just 6 weeks old and I spent an entire year in a blur of sweat, tears, hard backbreaking work, and broken sleep. For lack of a better explanation, it was utterly exhausting.

But what I remember from the end of the deployment, as many spouses do, is the overwhelming, heart squeezing love and appreciation for the little things they do when they return... He emptied the dishwasher- I seriously think I teared up a little. He took the trash out- Oh thank God I don't have to remember it is trash day by hearing the truck outside my window and running it out like a mad woman to haul the cans to the curb ( I swear the trash men to this day think I am a bum off the street that doesn't own a bra, let alone real clothes).

When he is holding a child while I cook dinner... you never think it is that big of a deal, but I wanted to just relish in the weight lifted off my shoulders (or rather my hip!) the first time I cooked without 3 children under my feet crying for one thing or another.

I could probably make a ten page list, no joke... but that isn't my point.

You see, I don't know how much I would appreciate it if we didn't go through the rough times... The deployment made me recognize the sweet in the simple things, just as the cuddle makes me hug a little tighter and a little longer after the tantrum.

After our oldest had her breakdown we kind of all calmed down... when we asked what kind of family she wanted instead of us she said, " A mom and dad, a little brother who is 4 and a little sister who is 1... oh and a black dog named Bear" She brought our rough, back to the sweet. She wanted us.

The rough will always be there. There is no getting around the pain, heartache, hair pulling moments of life. But if you pay attention after the storm... there is a sweet that is absolutely worth it all.

Find your sweet and soak it up.

Can there be Peace in Worry?

I'll never forget the day I hit 14 weeks with my very first pregnancy. I was ELATED. I was in the clear, nothing could happen to the baby I was growing inside now that I passed the dreaded "miscarriage zone".... With a huge sigh of relief, I felt the feeling of worry drift off of my shoulders. And then, only moments later, come crashing back down around me...

I may have been out of harms way for a miscarriage, but there were so many other things that could happen! And I am talking about solely in the womb, umbilical cord, heart issues, still birth... you name it, I worried... I spent the next 26 weeks agonizingly awaiting the birth of our beautiful daughter, so I could finally lay worry to rest.

Well if you have ever been a parent, then you know how naive those simple thoughts were. I thought "if only..." about 1,000 times in her first year of life.

If only she gets past the "SIDS zone"
If only she learns to chew without choking
If only she walks without breaking her neck
If only she can learn to manage stairs
If only....
If only...
If only...

I mean seriously, I was ridiculous.

And then it dawned on me like a heavy boulder on my chest.

It. Never. Ends.

The worry will NEVER go away... I saw this awful spiral of worry eating me alive. Literally, I felt like it was about to consume my every waking moment and it was honestly terrifying.

When Lydia was about 18 months old, I found out we were expecting baby #2, and I felt the creep and responsibility to worry about another precious human life. Worry alone, is probably the most exhausting thing on the planet, isn't it??

The thing with worry, is that is does NO good. None. It eats you alive with the "if only's" and the "What if's" and the "It could be's" but it never makes you feel better or calmer... it can honestly be paralyzing at times.

See I was so new to this parenting life, that I just thought this is how it is from now on. I didn't realize there was any other way... until one day, my pastor read a verse that made me want to stand up and cheer in the pew! Thank you Lord, there is a cure, an answer, a saving grace!!!

"Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Now don't get my wrong, I had heard this verse a hundred times in my life. But being a parent brings on more worry and anxiety than I could ever have imagined. This time, I heard the verse with a new heart and a new mind, and it made me feel like I could finally be free. Free to love and live and trust that my God was in control.

Fast forward a few years, we have 3 kids and life has absolutely had its ups and downs... have I been worry free? Absolutey... not. HA! We have had money scares, pregnancy scares, we have had ER visits, and those child screams that make your entire body move into action because something is terribly wrong... yes we have had those too. These moments are never going to be gone. They will change through the years, and will eventually turn into curfew scares, and broken heart fears. They will turn into "my 16 year old is behind the wheel" fears and my baby is going off to college tears...

But one thing I do know is that these fears, tears, and worry do not have to rest on my shoulders anymore. I am not immune to them by a long shot. No, quite the opposite... but it is so freeing that worry does not rest in my hands anymore.
And just because they are in God's hands, does not mean there won't be heartache and pain... It just means that I am not in this world to carry the burden of worry. I am here to love, protect, nurture, and teach my children all about life.

I want to show them how to love right, learn better, crave adventure, and take chances....and yes worry too... I want to teach them that worry is inevitable, but what you do with it can literally change your life. It did mine, and I hope it does you as well.

One day soon...

One day soon I will sleep a whole night without interruption from my baby's tears, my toddler's fears, my dog's flatulence, my husband's snores, or my bladder's inconvenience.

One day soon I will lose that blasted weight that just. won't. budge. I mean seriously, its like my body is saying a roll of thin mints is unhealthy or something?? Geesh... 

One day soon I will walk into a spotless kitchen and sigh with the simple pleasure of shiny, fingerprint-less appliances and relish in the sheer beauty of my organized pantry.

One day soon I will have the money for a brand spanking new car with all the bells and whistles... and not only that, but it will not have any french fries, stickers, legos, goldfish, or rotting milk cups hiding in the craziest places. It will be glorious. 

One day soon I will not only get a daily devotional with my God, and truly dig deep into His word, but I will also get through my long list of books waiting to be read... I will read and read and read... Truly it is a dream of mine to read and not ever stop. One day soon...

One day soon... I will look back with my uninterrupted nights, my brand new car, my spotless kitchen, and my booklist that has been checked off and I will be desperate for TODAY. For right now. 

Today is messy. Today is crazy. Today makes me want to pull my hair out. But TODAY, is all I will want when it is over. This is what we are made for... For right now. 

So I am going to drive my old, stinky car, send a quick prayer up, because honestly, it is all I can manage right at this moment. I will wake up 2-3 times tonight and tend to my family, and I will eat another roll of thin mints... because, lets face it, life is too short for lettuce all the time. 

Today I will look at the fingerprints covering every inch of my house and hold back the tears... because I know one day they will be gone. And that day, will not be all its cracked up to be... I am sure of it.

So for all of you "one day's"... you can just hold your horses, I am living for TODAY. 

When Thank You Isn't Enough

Yesterday I told my daughter "thank you for doing that!" and then went about my business of pulling stuff out of the car. I didn't think anything about it. Later I said something like, "did you get those papers out of the car?" and she said mom you said "thank you" when I did it.

With a look that clearly said she thought I was going senile, she walked away. After assuring myself I am not going crazy, I wondered why I didn't remember it.... and then I realized I was just going through the motions. I wasn't giving her true appreciation for her action.

It was a minor incident, obviously, but it got me thinking that we as a society, parents, friends, and strangers do it ALL the time.

A stranger holds the door for you- Thank you!

Your husband fills the tank with gas- thank you honey!

Your child was being nice to a kid- I appreciate what you did.

You get the idea... the list could go on. and on. and on.

The point is, when we are specific with our thank you's, our appreciation reaches their inner being and they want to do it again.

Ok, hear me out....

Someone holds the door for you- Thank you for being such a gentleman, you don't see it much anymore.

Your husband fills the tank with gas- Thank you for filling my car, it makes it so much easier to not have to worry about it through the week.

Your child was being nice- You know I really appreciated it when you helped that boy after he fell, I bet he felt really special having someone like you there.

You see the difference??

When we offer specifics, it allows the person we are thanking to know we are serious. We noticed something they did and it wasn't just a knee-jerk reaction of, "thank you"... we showed true appreciation by commenting on something specific they did.

Not only do they notice it, and will probably do it again, but it also helps the person "thanking". We start thinking positively about the people that surround us. We start noticing the littler things and will recognize why we are saying "thank you" in the first place. It helps us to have a grateful heart.

I don't want to thank my kids, my husband, or even strangers in a meaningless way anymore. I want them to know exactly what and why I am thankful. I want my kid to know I am not only watching them, but appreciating them in very specific ways.

My goal is to remember that a "thank you" isn't enough anymore.

Being a Mom is SO Hard

It is true. Being a mom is by far the hardest job I have ever held. It is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year job. It is not nine to five or twelve on, twelve off... it is all day, and often times, all night. 

It. Never. Ends. 

The days are filled with chauffeuring from A to B... to C and D,  it is the rushing, whining, and being the referee constantly... They are filled with fears and uncertainties, and an exhaustion that often cannot break the blurry surface of wakefulness.

Being a mom is so hard...

I have no idea how working moms do it. I truly don't know... They still have to pay bills, do laundry, make dinner, go to the doctor, and get up in the middle of the night with a sick 2 year old. They have to pack lunches, help with homework, and clean house. My hat goes off to you, working mom, truly you amaze me. I do not know if I could have it in me to do both. 

I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, being a stay at home mom is no joke... I mean seriously, we get peed on, yelled at, and deal with irrational defiance from cranky toddlers. Day in and day out. We wrestle the diapers onto the alligator baby, and can never stay on top of the house work. It is like this little dance, it consists of mommy trying her best to have a decently clean house, and then the the kids step into the Waltz right behind her, just waiting to get under her feet and trip her up... It has got to be in the "How to be a Kid 101" book that us parents do not get a copy of.

We rarely get adult conversation. I mean seriously I don't know how many times I have asked my husband if he needs to "go potty" before we head out the door, or make him "ask nicely" for something... bless his heart, he normally just ignores it.
When us moms do hang out with real adults it is often like hanging out with someone who has Turrets...
"Yes we went to the movies last week and I loved the part where, get off that right now!!... where was I? Oh right they were walking on the beach and he told her, quit throwing the ball in the house!... so anyway what did you do last week?"

Needless to say they aren't the conversations that heighten an IQ by any means. And to top it all off, we do not make a single dime for the work we do...in fact, we often are under appreciated far too often from our lovely subordinates... who knew they wouldn't be graciously thanking us every night for all the hard work we did for them that day?? And then politely go to sleep for a full 12 hours as payment.... yeah. right.

Being a mom is so hard...

It is the knowledge that you have SO much to teach them, in so little time. It is the fear of the unknown, and often the fear of the known, that keep us awake when the house is finally asleep... It is the fever that won't go down, or the first time on a bike without training wheels, that make our hearts beat fast and squeeze with worry.
It is the first day of school and the sending them off into the world where you aren't there anymore to referee. It is the hurt feelings and broken hearts that a boo-boo kiss won't fix anymore...

Being a mom is the toughest, most rewarding job on the planet. It is so scary, it is tiring, it is exhaustion and frustration, and a love so deep you could never reach the bottom... because there isn't one.

Being a mom could make you want to pull your hair out and cry with proud tears in a single moment. It is knowing that you mold these little hearts, and precious minds, into full grown adults... you get the job to teach them and more importantly, learn from them... Their wonder and innocence is intoxicating. In the short 6 years I have held the hardest job in the world, I have learned far more than I did in my lifetime before becoming a mom. These children teach me about happiness and forgiveness, belly laughs and imagination. They teach me about love and friendship, and seeing everyone as equal... The list goes on, but one thing I didn't realize when I became a parent, is that I would have some of the most inspiring teachers out there.

Being a mom is SO hard, but it is worth every single beautiful, scary, honest, exhausting, wonderful moment I have had the honor of being a part of. It is a job I want to cherish for the rest of my life.

If you are a mom, keep doing what you do, know you aren't alone, and you aren't crazy.... we have all been there! Trudge through the tough, and cherish the sweet... it is worth more than gold and silver and everything in between.

Being a mom is so hard.. and I wouldn't trade it for the entire world!

5 Small Things that Make a Big Difference in Your Happiness

I think there are so many things we try to get accomplished to be successful. We want our house clean, our meals planned, our kids well-behaved, our work outs complete. We want our jobs to be great, our personal items organized, and our budgets actually stuck to. We want it all. It is as simple as that, whether you're a mom, dad, have one kid or six. If you are single or married for 50 years... we all want to feel at the end of the day we DID something worthwhile. And about 90% of the time we don't feel that sense of accomplishment. We often feel like failures stuck in a never ending to-do list.

Of course there are days I am grateful I hit the gym... or rather the shower. There are plenty of days I am proud there is a hot dinner ready when my husband gets home. There are days I am sure, you are proud of the paper you wrote or the craft you completed. I think we all find happiness in a few things every day...

But how do we feel like every day was successful? How do we end the day with a true feeling of happiness?

In my opinion it starts with these 5 small things, that make a big difference...

1- Smile. 

It is as simple as that. Smiling has been proven to change your mood and your confidence. It makes you feel attractive, and look attractive. It makes you relax a little more and stress a little less. Smiling makes you feel welcoming, and often brightens other peoples days, your children, your spouse, co-workers, and even strangers. We tend to be more subject to happiness when we allow ourselves to smile. It truly is a miracle written all over your face... so smile today :)

2- Help someone else.

It could be as simple as holding the door for someone else. It is handing a dollar to the homeless man, or better yet serving at the homeless shelter. It could be as little as letting a frantic mom with small children get in line in front of you, or as big as paying off a strangers layaway at Christmas time... Helping makes us feel like we are making a difference in someone else's life. And we are. So today, and everyday, do something for another person... not for personal gain, but out of the kindness of your heart. 

3- Be Grateful.

There are so many things to complain about in this world, and a traffic jam because of an accident isn't one of them. Be grateful it wasn't you. Show gratitude when someone does something kind for you. It takes some practice, but if you can change your thinking about the world and be humbly grateful for the things you have, the people in your circle, and the world where you reside, I truly believe your happiness level would rise exponentially. We often feel entitled to things. Instead of being thankful for the life we lead, we find things to complain about... little things like our coffee wasn't made right, or our clothes are old. We tend to think life isn't good enough or fair enough, we think our husbands aren't helpful, or our kids are crazy... What would your life look like if, when you found yourself complaining, if you immediately stated three things you were thankful for in any given situation? I believe it would make a huge difference in the outlook on your life, and your mind would start to see the good in all things. Try it, and see what happens.

4- Exercise. 

I know we have all heard it and if you're anything like me you tend to think watching an episode of Downton Abbey would be far more gratifying... but it has been proven that even as little as 7 minutes a day could battle depression, improve body image, and help you have an overall satisfying feeling of accomplishment. I am not even talking the gym, home work out, or strenuous jog. I am literally saying that spending 10 minutes outside walking with your children, or twice around the block with your spouse would make you feel more confident. I am saying that if you allow your body a quick 10-15 minute movement period during the day, you will feel happier and healthier. I think we all could come up with that little of time. I know I will. 

5- Alone Time. 

And no I don't mean watching a show or finally getting 5 minutes to scroll through Facebook during nap time. I mean truly being alone.. in your heart and head. Some people meditate. Some people pray. Others just sit there and do nothing... but I believe in this technology driven world, where rarely a minutes goes by without something being watched, texted, or sent... we truly need to just breathe, and be alone. I don't do it enough that is for sure. Often being alone allows you to relax and find your own self in the chaos of this world. Being alone has been proven to alleviate stress and calm nerves. Meditation has huge health benefits for the body, and prayer for the soul. I believe if everyone spent some time alone, it would have huge impacts in the home, work, and everywhere in between. Start with 10 minutes. Be alone... and see what happens. 

I am certain there are more things to do to be happy. I know there are more things that I could do that would make me feel accomplished. But these five things are ones I am trying to work on every single day. They are simple, but effective. I want to go to bed every night with the knowledge that I made a difference in my own life, and others. To me, that is enough. 

Why are we so judgmental?

Judgement sucks...
No I am not talking about judging others dress, social status, or decisions...although we all know how easy it is to do. And that we shouldn't.

I am not talking about "mommy wars"... I mean come on! I cannot comprehend why there is even such a thing. I am a christian, I nursed, my kids eat fast food every once in awhile, and I love them unconditionally. You are Mormon, bottle fed, and your kids eat healthy... yet you love your kids unconditionally. Why do we think it is our right to judge what another mom deems right for her family? It boggles my mind and it truly has to stop... but that is not what I am talking about either.

It isn't the judgement of our spouse, partner, or significant other. But we do it. Shame on us. Shame on you and shame on me. It is our job to uplift our spouses and encourage them... We committed to love and protect them and if we talk behind their backs about their failures and shortcomings, then we truly need to look inside and change something deep. Quit nagging and speak with love and respect... Even though this is important and should not be overlooked, it still isn't the judgement I am so disgusted with.

It is me. I am disgusted with me. I cannot believe how often I look in the mirror and hate certain things about me. The dark under eyes that were so graciously passed down from generation to generation. The belly that literally wiggles. My thighs have more stripes than a zebra and my hair is just... gross. I see every single thing that is unattractive like it has flashing neon signs screaming "Look! you are UGLY!!"
That may be a little dramatic, but you get the idea. And if you are one to be grateful for you and what you are, then I am truly so proud of you. You've got the right idea... But that isn't me and it is so very wrong.
Why are we the hardest on ourselves? Why do we see our physical, emotional, and spiritual down falls and think, "I am not good enough!" It is so absurd that we see other people in such a different light than our personal one. We seem to view ourselves in a 20x magnification when we see everyone else in a normal mirror.

We need to be patient with ourselves. We need to quit seeing everything "wrong" and focus on what is right. I have a strong and healthy body. I love the shade of my eyes, and I think my heart is in a good place to help others. I am unique, and I am made beautifully... This is what I will focus on. What about you?

The main reason I am vowing to change is because I want my children to know what confidence looks like from the inside out. I want them to see their own beauty in their heart and on their skin. People will tell them they are not good enough, the media will push perfection... but my prayer is that my kids know the truth. My prayer is that they are confident in their radiant beauty. I want my girls to see their uniqueness as beauty and their differences as ideal... I want my son to find a girl who is confident in her own skin. And I want my husband to see me loving myself. I want him to see me happy. I know he doesn't notice any of my "flaws"... I want to view me like he does.

All of those changes start with me. I am going to stop judging myself. I am going to give myself the grace I so easily offer others. I will give myself the understanding that I hand out like candy, and I will look in the mirror and say, today you are beautiful. Because I am. And so are you.

Dazed and Crazed

There are so many times that I am unnecessarily overwhelmed.
Now don't get me wrong, life with 3 kids is no piece of cake, but there are moments in the every day life that I allow myself to get short fused and stressed out... and for what?

Because we are 5 minutes later than I planned? Am I stressed to the max because my kids are simply being kids? Yes I know the spilling of their drink (yet again!), and the screaming "mmoommmmyyyy, he hit me!!" grate at my nerves... The constant mess, dishes galore, and the pee...  it is literally everywhere!

It all makes me feel dazed and crazed and then I stop and think... isn't this what I signed up for? Isn't this my dream? To be a mom and have the ability to stay home with them? This is THE LIFE! So why do I feel like at times I could just pull my hair out, or maybe accidentally drop them off at GoodWill? (only joking... sort of) There are times I want to just throw in the towel and slap a 'Return To Sender' label on their foreheads (Good thing that isn't an option because I probably would have tried!)

But then I remember that this season of life is something to soak up. Enjoy. Live and learn, teach and finger paint. This isn't the only "season" that will be challenging. They all will be! It is our job as parents to lead by example and teach the really important lessons.

It is the fact that being on time to an event on my schedule is not as important as teaching my child how to react in a stressful situation, even if you're five minutes late because of it. And it is ok she spilled her drink, but my responsibility to teach her how to handle it. They have to make the mistake in order to learn how to handle it... and I have the very important job of teaching them to react a specific way... and that teaching happens through my actions. Not my words.

It has been MY attitude that sucks. Not theirs. They are living and learning how to cope when life throws curves. They are learning that mistakes happen and its ok, it is how you pick yourself and try again where growth occurs... We get to teach them that when life is stressful how to laugh, brush it off, and be a light when everyone else is negative. We GET to teach them how to be successful through trials and chaos. Yet here I am pulling my hair out over her 3rd attempt at tying her shoes... or his inability to get dressed faster than a snail. Here I am yelling "HURRY UP!", instead of teaching them quicker ways to manage their morning. I need a reality check... because they won't be here much longer. A dear friend told me don't think of it as years, but Christmases... reality sets in then. I have 12 more Christmases with my oldest. That's nuts! I have 12 Christmases to teach her all that life has to offer before she's in the world, handling stress and chaos on her own.

I guess I hope one day they look back and say, "I am so grateful my mom and dad showed me how to react when life gets crazy!" I hope they see themselves as lights in a negative world... and I really hope one day I get to witness my kids handling life the way I hope to model to them in the coming opportunities.

Are the day to day life stresses going anywhere? No, they most certainly are not.
But I truly hope to reign in my stress levels and save them for the true necessary stressful times, and not because I heard "MOMMY!!" one too many times. I want to learn to identify true stress in my life, so they can learn to see it in theirs.

Why we chose to do "Reset Sunday"

We have dubbed it the term "Reset Sunday" but I am certain we are not the only family who practices something similar to this... or I should say intends to practice. We haven't actually started. It just hit me kind of hard a couple of nights ago that our kids are not getting any younger. They're schedules are not ever going to be easier than they are at this moment. The homework, band practice, sports, and friends are eventually going to rule our days and nights. So Mathew and I discussed how we could recharge and be more prepared for each week.

Which brings me to today, where we have begun our normal weekend countdown, we've got plans tonight and tomorrow, and like every other weekend it will be over long before we are ready... so this is me, telling all of you, that on Sunday we will reset. We will plan and do the things that need to be done to hopefully feel ready to take on the week.

What will it look like for our family?

-First there will be minimal screen time on Sundays. I don't like to say never, because it is so absolute and leaves no room for flexibility, which often leads to failure. But our goal is very little to no screen time on Sundays.

-After church/lunch Anna will nap and we will do something fun with the older two. It could be a game of Twister, teaching them to bake something, or doing a chore-list. It may be working on the garden, or reading a load of books...we don't know yet, but it sounds like fun and adventurous to me.

-We plan to have clothes set out for all the kids. Mathew is going to plan his work out goals for the week and then set up accordingly. I intend to make a meal plan for the coming week and shop on Sunday.

-We are going to clean out the car and reset the diaper bags and backpacks.

-And in the evenings we will go to the park, do homework, maybe even sit and just talk... I know, astounding, right?

I guess this is kind of a declaration, in hopes that we actually stick to it for the long haul. I think it would help us come together as a family, and spend some quality time with each other.
Not every one here has kids, or is married. But I bet everyone could use a "reset" day. I challenge you, wherever you are in life, to pick a day and choose how you want to reset. It doesn't have to look like ours, but it could have some true refreshing qualities and give you and yours the ability to hit the week running... it could literally mean the difference between a dreadful Monday or a happy one. Or at least that is what we are hoping for!

Here's to new ideas and fresh beginnings!

Hoomlook?!

Why Hoomlook?

I have gotten enough personal messages asking why Hoomlook, I figured the rest of you are fairly eager to know...
It seems a little weird and a lot of nonsense. But I like it. I like it because when I asked my distracted child what mommy should name her new blog Jacob said, staring at a pile of Legos, "Hmmm Look!" And I thought well that isn't helpful... maybe I should just call it "Squirrel!" (If you've never seen the movie Up then I apologize, it is worth seeing by the way). 
And while asking my 6 year old, Lydia, what I should name mommy's blog she looked straight at the thing she was wanting to play with after school (she happens to be very concrete in her creative thinking) and said, "how about Hook Loom" (a hand weaving plastic square). Yes, exactly what I want to promote... hand weaving. 
When I approached my 20 month old she simply said "more!" because she desperately needed more goldfish... not helpful.

But the point is, I don't need some fancy or catchy name. It would probably help, but I don't need it. I wanted my children to help jump start the beginning of this journey... so with their invaluable guidance, The Hoomlook Life began. And it is crazy and weird, it is distracted and concrete. It is full of these blessings I call children and I wouldn't have it any other way.


So here you have it. The Hoomlook Life. Take it or leave it ;)

This Crazy Life I Lead

Today I got the inspiration to start a blog... I mean don't get me wrong, I am not some crazy person who just happened upon the choice. I love to write. I love to encourage. And I painstakingly adore my children... who happen to star in a lot of my ramblings.
With that being said, I will fail. Many people will dislike what I say, and many won't care. But I decided, with some love and encouragement, that I do not need an audience or support from many, I don't need to please the world or even myself. If I help, inspire, or make one single person smile than it was worth taking this huge leap of faith into the unknown world of writing.

So without further ado...
My life is a whirlwind of diapers, snot, and lots of giggles. It is full of discipline, mistakes, and a load of grace. My life is loving and beautiful... and quite often ugly and shameful. I have days that are amazing, and many that are ordinary. I hope to be a mom that teaches love, forgiveness, and grace.  I hope to show my children that life is not about how we are treated, but how we treat others that matter. I want them to know that at the end of the day, if you make one person smile it is worth everything. To teach through actions is so much harder than expected, but it is the only way to be done... we show them what life is truly about through our actions. I know I fail in so many ways, but when they are old and grown my deepest prayer is that I led a Christ-like life that showed every single day.

My marriage looks a lot like greasy hair, yoga pants, and a quick temper. I wish I can say those were my bad days, but to be honest they are just my normal ones... good, bad, and ugly. My husband is my better half. He has shown me how to respect myself, and has helped me believe I am worth far more than I ever imagined. I hope to one day be exactly what I should be for him. Until then, I know he loves me with his whole heart, hairy legs and all... and he is amazing for it.

Some days I feel so on top of it all. I rule the world (well at least my small little one)... These days I take pride in my accomplishments, like finger painting and baking. Laundry PUT AWAY (never happens) and clean hair. I have dinner ready and the dishes done... It's so easy to brag about the good days isn't it? Then other days I am totally unwilling to admit to the amount of cartoons that were watched by our 3 lovely children. Or the amount of yelling that happened due to the sloth-like nature of getting out the door. Those days it is easy to pretend that I didn't make some not-so-good choices in my parenting style.
But you know what? I am not going to cover it up. I have good days and I have bad, and I am willing to bet my non-existent pay check that you do too. But if we love our families, and do our best on that given day.... even if it is a complete 7 hour marathon of Doc McStuffins then so what? Maybe they'll be a doctor some day ;) Lets be honest. Lets be supportive. Lets show our true selves...

So with the start of this blog I vow to be honest. And I vow to make mistakes, lets face it, we all do. I vow to do my best and encourage when one needs to be encouraged, love when one needs to be loved and I know some pretty decent jokes, if one needs to laugh. So welcome to the crazy life I lead.